reality.

i am a very caring person (contrary to popular belief). but i'm not sure this always comes across the way i want it to. especially with my family. my parents are the people i rely on to be there for me. i expect them to be constants in my life. sometimes i forget that they are people too, in a way. i just don't know what to do when the roles are reversed and i am the one that has to be strong. and i know this is where a lot of me and my mom's problems come from.
but i have come to expect this from my mom and i'm trying to get better with dealing with it. what i really didn't know how to handle was when my dad was the weak one. to be honest i did not even want to go over to see him the day he came home. not because i didn't care, but because i didn't know how to show it. watching my dad all doped up on pain meds struggling to stand up from the couch was shocking. i don't even know how to process something like that. in that moment i realized that eventually i was going to have to become the caretaker for them. and that fact alone scares the crap out of me.