5 days.

i know it may not seem like its going to be a big change for me, because i'm not really GOING anywhere... but i can't help but think come august 20th, everything is going to change. and i haven't really worked out how much of that i think is good and how much i think is bad.

i have thought about posting multiple blogs. i even made a list of all the things i wanted to talk about, from my bathroom to harry potter. but for some reason i seem to spend more time being sad that i'm sitting at home than doing something productive with my time. i need to get over that though, so here goes...


last weekend i had a garage sale. i thought it would be a great way for me to get a bunch of extra money, last time we had one my mom made at least $300. i even went down the the city of cypress to get the stupid permit. saturday came and we were all set up by about 7:45. true, it was not a large selection, but i had a good amount of clothes (my four bags of buffalo exchange rejects), my mom brought out her giant home entertainment center, and we even had the clear case that used to house my beanie babies.

as a very slow trickle of people came by, i was informed by my mom that we missed the hardcore garage sale crowd by not starting early enough. apparently these bargain hunters must be back to their homes before the sun even rises. so i grabbed my harry potter and settled in on the couch currently being stored in the garage, which has turned into a nice home for my ancient cat.

by about 10:30 my mom decided that there was not enough business to warrant her presence, so she went upstairs and left me to sell to people. i was ok with this, it really was very slow. i only had problems when people actually showed up and wanted to bargain. i didn't know what to charge for anything and my uneasiness was written all over my face. it wasn't so much worried that i wouldn't charge enough, more that i would say too much and they wouldn't buy anything.

so as the day dragged along, i felt intensely judged and picked over by complete strangers. then this guy rode up on his bike wearing slightly too tight jeans and a ponytail. for some reason he struck me as someone i wanted to talk to, he was very different from the other people who had stopped by. i told him i was selling my unneeded stuff as i was getting ready to go to college. he told me about his cousin who was heading off to penn state (i found that slightly weird). then he told me he was really looking for a pair of pants and i showed him the maybe 5 pairs i had. i felt a twinge of pity when he held up my blue uniform pair but that was erased when he told me they looked way too big for him. he walked around some more but ended up buying them, out of what i figured had to be desperation.

i settled back into my book until about a half an hour later when he showed up again. he asked me if i had any socks for sale. that he hadn't been able to get over to his friends house to do laundry and he just really needed some. i had a swell of compassion and ran upstairs to grab a couple of pairs i didn't really wear anymore. he asked me how much they were and i just froze. i struggled with not wanting to overcharge. i told him a quarter for the two pairs he had picked out. he rummaged around in his backpack and came up with 22 cents. i took it and almost instantly wished i had charged less or maybe given him the other pairs as well. its not like i was really trying to make a big profit off of this guy, i was just too nervous with the pricing thing. i sat out there for the rest of the day, somewhat hoping he would come back so i could make it up.

but the day ended and sunday came and went with surprisingly even less business. i kept thinking about that guy and how i am basically incapable of helping people. i refuse to make eye contact with the homeless who sit by freeway exits, but then start tearing up as i drive away. i made fun of my stepmom for throwing money out the window at a paraplegic hobo but i knew her heart was in the right place. i want to do the right thing but i want to find my own way of doing it. unfortunately i don't come up with my way until it's too late.

so in the end, i only made $75 and i had to sit there thinking about how stupid i am for two whole days, but i did get to finish 3 harry potter books =]



by the way, i apologize for the length. i think i make up for the lack of entries by just writing too much in each one.